I've started doing this thing when I get annoying customers. It's a thing where I try to ask myself questions like, "Why are they being the way that they are?" in hopes that it'll make me more calm and understanding and accepting over their petulance of a fucking lipstick, of all things.

"Maybe they're having a bad day," I think, trotting around the store after them while they say things like, "No, I said brown, not brunette," over their shoulder. "Okay!" I call after them, doing my best to sound cheery and not like I'm making faces at my coworkers, desperate faces that are pleas for help, faces which result in genuinely sympathetic faces back from them. "Didn't hear you!" I call, bending over to get what is actually called brunette out of the drawer. "My fault!"

Pretty much I just pretend to be Bob Ross. Everything is happy. Happy trees. Happy lipstick. Happy people on the phone. The mistakes I make are actually birds which will pick me up and scoop me up like the Hobbit that I am, onto better pastures and places where I'm not forced to wipe makeup from the back of someone's hand while she talks on the phone and silently asks me to keep going when she finds a stray black smudge on her thumb.

Because I’m profoundly uncomfortable with people reading anything that has to do with my own personal thoughts or opinions I figured it’d be a good time to start a blog and force myself to write somewhere other than my paper journal, all in an attempt to, like, ‘do one thing a day that scares you,’ or something.

I don’t really expect people to read this and be moved by the thoughts of a fledgling, quarter-life-crisis wreck of a 25 year old, but at the very least I’m going to link it to my Tumblr and just fucking go for it. Sorry in advance.

Probably this urge to write has something to do with me going through some Things right now, but all of the Things are happening very slowly and seem pointless. There’s a big WHY after everything that happens to me and, once upon a time, I would’ve been able to look at these experiences with humor or some sort of healthy self-reflection, and I’m trying to get back to that.

In fact I'm so stuck that I can’t actually picture what I could be doing next year this time, but I swear to god if it involves me working the same job and wondering what could’ve been while watching a season of The X-Files and eating chips with cold refried beans, seriously, someone tell me to snap the fuck out of it.

Or at least tell me to heat up the fucking refried beans, honestly. Put some cheese on them, or something.